If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
