her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
