I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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