HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
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You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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