look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
