Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
