just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You ruined the universe
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
