I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I love you. Go after that dick
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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