I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
