So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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