I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
