get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
