I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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