he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
