After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
