Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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