thus making me awesome and them whores
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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