I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
