She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
