you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
