i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
