Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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