I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
