Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need a beard to bite.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
