I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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