Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
