Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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