you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
