Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
