Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I need water and some morals
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
