you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
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He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
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I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize