my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
