just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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