Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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