I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
