so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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