I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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