Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
