The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Someone came in the potted fern
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.