my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
