just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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