you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you