Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So many bounce houses so little time
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?