There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.