We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
