He is like the real live version of the state fair..
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
