I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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