im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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