a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
