Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
