cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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