would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
