I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
