I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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