the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
