In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
No subtext here. People are naked.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
