Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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