Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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