I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im on a boat
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