I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
