Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
