i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
