he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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