Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
