Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
