I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I accidentally had phone sex last night
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
