he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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