Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
