Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
