the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it glows. i had to have it.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
