There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
