We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
