if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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