just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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