I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
