Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
