I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
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not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize